It was my last day of bending therapy with Bob Bender. We spent three long weeks together, had a love/hate relationship, and learned many life lessons in the process. Parting although joyful and welcomed it also brought an unexplained fear.

My time ending with Bob gave way to freedom. I was able to drive again which was so wonderful. For someone who likes to come and go on their own accord, this freedom was sheer glory!  I no longer needed a brace or crutches to walk. Physical therapy was going great, although the road ahead was long and daunting, everything was beaming bright.  What was this fear about me?

As I sat one morning and reflected on the things that were completed and nearing completion. The question came to mind, “What did you learn?” I had definitely learned plenty during recovery and had more yet to learn.  I remember asking myself, “So, what did I miss?”  Maybe it wasn’t so much of what I missed in recovery but more of a discipline that God wanted me to grasp, “Be still and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10)

Being still is hard for a gal who is always active. I guess I can go one step further and say being still is hard for any active person. Your mind is cluttered by the daily “to-dos” that demands crossing another thing off that mile long list.  The “if-onlys” to get more done and finally have time to do that one thing. And ohh, the schedules that must be kept!  As I was becoming “free” again, my fear and anxiousness became realized.  I didn’t want to go back to that daily grind crowding my mind and attention from those in front of me.  I didn’t want my “yes” to be a screaming “no” within and do something half-hearted because I felt I had to. My fear was in letting go of the familiar! I no longer wanted to be so consumed by the mess around me that I couldn’t be still in His Presence!

When I was literally closed-in and had to sit and rest, I had time to think, to take my thoughts captive and present them to God. I was able to think before doing rather than the familiar way of doing before thinking. I wasn’t taking full advantage of God’s mighty weapons in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5. It says, ” We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.”  He broke down a lot of strongholds and negative ways of thinking in my stillness and continues to work human reasoning and false arguments out of my mindset. He was making himself known to me in a whole different way.  He was asking me to still my heart, my will, my way, and know that He is God and to “fix my eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” (Hebrews 12:2)

My season with Bob ended at the end of the kids’ school year. I missed all my eldest child’s track meets, I had to give up all the things that I had signed up to do, and what’s more God impressed upon my husband’s heart to change schools for our kids the following year. I was being asked to give up my will, my desires and my heart for a greater unknown.  Leaving all things familiar, not only to me but my family, Jesus became our safe haven in the unknown before us.  As the door closed on a familiar and knowing past, we stepped together across a threshold of an unknown beginning. At this time, the song by Chris Tomlin, “Whom Shall I Fear” became our family song.

I know Who goes before me
I know Who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
The One who reigns forever
He is a Friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

God gave me some specific promises during my time with Bob. Ones that I hold dear and anxiously await for them to unfold.  Our closed-door opened another with one verse, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11). I need to trust and be obedient to the call.

And nothing formed against me shall stand (Isaiah 54:17)
You hold the whole world in your hands
I’m holding onto Your promises
You are faithful
You are faithful (1 Thessalonians 5:24)

All that remains of my time with Bob are ace bandages, Bob and Larry the crutches, and a wonderful scar full of memories and provision.  This scar is also my reminder that when I take my petitions before him and lay them at His feet that “He will fight for me, I need only be still.” (Exodus 14:14)

My strength is in Your name
For You alone can save
You will deliver me
Yours is the victory

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear